Seeking Dude Perspectives: A confrontation with the town crackhead

[T0mShane]

So, looking for some perspective from the dudes. Pretty sure I did the right thing, but wondering where we are, as men, when faced with this circumstance. 
 

The Scenario: Took the gf down the shore for a quick weekend trip. Lovely little town, B&B, boardwalk, everything is lovely. It’s about 8pm and it’s chilly, so we’re walking back a quarter mile to the hotel. Sun is setting, waves coming in, cross over to the sidewalk running parallel with the beach. Everything is nice-nice. Then I see him: the town crazy person up ahead. Mid-40’s, frail, a little hunched over, standing on the next corner looking agitated. White guy, Italian features, maybe 5’10, 125 lbs, clothes are too big for him—oversized T-shirt, baggy denim shorts, long socks, jacked up sneakers, like everything he’s got on is from a shelter. His face looks like it’s been caved in fifty times. It’s too late to cross over again, so my thought is to just try and slip by hoping the dude stays calm. 
 

Then the gf sees him staring at us and she stares back and says “Can I help you?” Like, sarcastically, confrontationally. Oh no. She grew up in Florida and went to college in North Carolina, and has lived in suburban Connecticut since. Not too much experience with the limits of the mental health system in the Tri-State as it relates to keeping crazy people out of the general population. Now it’s on. 
 

We pull even with the guy and the guy starts loudly popping off “Who areee you I don’t ******* liiiike you Who areeee you” Crazy guy sh*t. Schizophrenia sh*t. This is a quiet street with a row of restaurants and quaint seaside B&Bs. Guy starts following us, but maintains a six foot radius at all times, like he knows the rules. He’s barking at us “**** you gonna dooooo pussy. Come onnn.” Starts pulling off his shirt like he wants to fight, I guess. I am 6’2, 245. Not fat, per se, but not The Rock. Standard issue construction worker body. I’m not usually subjected to the crazy guy actually wanting to escalate. He’s still six feet away. The gf is yelling at him. He calls the gf a “hooker.” Now I’m like, ah **** I can’t let that slide.  I stop walking, square up with the guy (from six feet) and tell the guy to go back to the corner and relax. When I stopped, he backed up a step, but started getting louder. “Come on pussy. You wanna do something?” The gf’s yelling has triggered this guy, emboldened him. I pull on her arm and move her down the street. It’s clear the guy isn’t going to actually attack us and he’s looking for attention. A closer look at him and I see that he’s ****ed up on something. Eyes half-closed, face is dirty, wobbly on his feet. He starts trying to, I guess, get in a fighting stance(?)

The owner of B&B we were in front of sees what’s going on and starts yelling to the guy that he’s calling the cops. It’s clear he’s familiar with this particular town crackhead and the crackhead knows him. Crackhead guy starts yelling at the B&B guy as he slowly retreats back to his corner. I thank the B&B guy and we continue on our way. 
 

GF is all rattled. I gently try to explain to her that you never, ever engage with crazy people on the street because at best they’re looking for attention, to be acknowledged, to have some human interaction, and the only way they can get it is by being hostile. But then there’s the worst case where you get a crazy person who’s trying to get sent on an all-expenses-paid trip to the local psych ward where they’ll be fed, sheltered, and medicated, and the only way they can get there is via an assault charge so they can be classified as a danger to themselves or others, otherwise they just get tossed back out on the street where they have nothing. The gf is, at first, pissed that I didn’t fight the guy, but when she calms down she says she understands, I was right, etc. 

My question to the dudes here is, was I right? How do you handle it? My general thinking in life is that getting in a street fight with anyone is never worth it unless they’re posing an imminent threat to you or your gf/family, etc, but especially with a crazy person because, at best, you kick the ass of someone who’s already ****ed up and you stand a decent chance of getting stabbed/bitten/bled upon, which ends up with you in the emergency room praying to God you don’t get what that guy has. Worst case, you get killed or maimed by a crackhead.
 

Thoughts from the fellas? 

[Jetsfan80]

Your totally not fake gf engaged with a crazy person then was pissed you merely confronted him rather than fighting this loose cannon to defend her honor?

This is why warfare exists.

[T0mShane]

18 minutes ago, Jetsfan80 said:

not fake gf

How dare you. We allow you to pretend that you’re married!

[SAM SAM HE'S OUR MAN]

Good move . Better than getting stabbed by some dirtbag .

[bicketybam]

Are you really asking if you did the right thing by not throwing down with a crackhead? 

Sounds like you need to get rid of the girlfriend. 

[Panzer Division Marduk]

8 hours ago, T0mShane said:

Starts pulling off his shirt like he wants to fight, I guess. I am 6’2, 245. And someone who runs away from sub four foot midgets in Jerome Bettis jerseys.

.

[Bronx]

You did the right thing. Give your gf a banana daily with cinnamon. This will help increase her serotonin while shutting down her high-dopamine overdrive. 

[Jetsfan80]

[JustInFudge]

You did good, my only other advice would have been when the two of you squared off, maybe next time try reciting the Our Father.  

[RutgersJetFan]

There is zero to gain from engaging in that situation, street fights are chaos and if you fought the dude one of two likely scenarios happen:

1. You get hurt or die hitting concrete (bad). 

2. He gets hurt or dies hitting concrete (worse). 

I have never nor known anyone that engaged in a situation like that and afterwards was happy about the fact that they did it. 

Also worth noting that almost any person on the planet legit trained will walk away in that situation and those guys certainly are not pussies.

Anyone with a SO who wants their partner to get in a fight for them should be sat down and explained what a fight actually is and all of the above. And I’m sorry to say but if they can’t grasp why you always leave unless cornered then some more serious discussions need to happen about the relationship. Horrible quality and for me would 100% be a deal breaker.  One split-second decision in a lightning fast situation can change multiple lives forever. 

[PFSIKH]

What @RutgersJetFan said. Nothing is gained in destroying this guy.

[LionelRichie]

it's difficult not to engage when the guy is screaming at you and calling you a pussy but really the right thing to do is keep walking without taking your eye off the guy in case he makes a run at you.    nothing good comes from a fight with a homeless dude, literally nothing.   who knows what kind of diseases that guy has and your night is immediate ruined dealing with police reports and whatnot.   

I usually carry a 16 inch exbandable baton with me on the off chance someone does attack me.   it closes down to like 5 inches and fits nicely in pockets on anything that isn't tight.   

[JetPotato]

Weird coincidence. Some fat dude's girlfriend starting chirping at me down the shore this past weekend and when I politely asked them who they were, he backed down like a total wuss. Tourists, man.

[Barry McCockinner]

Unless this GF is bringing home friends to party she's probably more trouble than she's worth. You should have offered her up for gas money when he called her a hooker.

[#27TheDominator]

On 5/27/2024 at 8:30 AM, RutgersJetFan said:

There is zero to gain from engaging in that situation, street fights are chaos and if you fought the dude one of two likely scenarios happen:

1. You get hurt or die hitting concrete (bad). 

2. He gets hurt or dies hitting concrete (worse). 

I have never nor known anyone that engaged in a situation like that and afterwards was happy about the fact that they did it. 

Also worth noting that almost any person on the planet legit trained will walk away in that situation and those guys certainly are not pussies.

Anyone with a SO who wants their partner to get in a fight for them should be sat down and explained what a fight actually is and all of the above. And I’m sorry to say but if they can’t grasp why you always leave unless cornered then some more serious discussions need to happen about the relationship. Horrible quality and for me would 100% be a deal breaker.  One split-second decision in a lightning fast situation can change multiple lives forever. 

I literally took a class given by the FBI that pretty much had this advice.  Shane could have used it because it was a week of driving, then a week that consisted of an hour going over what Rutgers said above with the rest making sure you see the crackhead far enough ahead of time to make sure you are on the other side of the street.  

FWIW, I don't always take the advice and spend too much time yelling and threatening, but getting in that situation as an adult is uncommon amongst the mentally stable. 

[RutgersJetFan]

1 hour ago, #27TheDominator said:

I literally took a class given by the FBI that pretty much had this advice.  Shane could have used it because it was a week of driving, then a week that consisted of an hour going over what Rutgers said above with the rest making sure you see the crackhead far enough ahead of time to make sure you are on the other side of the street.  

This is really the best form of self-defense out there. Reading the situation well ahead of time and just going the other way. Jocko explains it as having enough confidence in yourself to take the long way around. 

[#27TheDominator]

5 minutes ago, RutgersJetFan said:

This is really the best form of self-defense out there. Reading the situation well ahead of time and just going the other way. Jocko explains it as having enough confidence in yourself to take the long way around. 

@T0mShane is just not secure enough in his manhood to say "Oh honey, I'm sorry we crossed the street.  Can we go back across and look in that shop window?  I need a new wig."

[RutgersJetFan]

5 hours ago, LionelRichie said:

it's difficult not to engage when the guy is screaming at you and calling you a pussy but really the right thing to do is keep walking without taking your eye off the guy in case he makes a run at you.    nothing good comes from a fight with a homeless dude, literally nothing.   who knows what kind of diseases that guy has and your night is immediate ruined dealing with police reports and whatnot.   

I usually carry a 16 inch exbandable baton with me on the off chance someone does attack me.   it closes down to like 5 inches and fits nicely in pockets on anything that isn't tight.   

It's incredibly easy to not engage when a guy is screaming at you and calling you a pussy. You literally just turn around and go the other way. It's actually the easiest, most readily available option out of all of them. Keep in mind you really never know who the hell you're messing with, i.e. a guy in Hollywood a few years back tried to pick a fight with ******* Joe Schilling and guess how that went. Good luck against him with a baton, probably likely he shoves it up your own ass. 

There are conflicting arguments that dudes in gyms have about the topic of weapons but I think more err on the side of not carrying anything on you unless it's a firearm. Any other weapon, from a knife to a baton, gets pulled out and the guy who may have just been picking a fight with you now feels his life is in danger. Carry a gun or learn how to fight, better yet do both, almost anything else is dumb. Pepper spray for women, fine I guess. 

[greenwichjetfan]

On 5/26/2024 at 5:57 AM, T0mShane said:

My question to the dudes here is, was I right?

lol, yes. It's corny that this is even a question. You don't engage with any stranger, let alone a homeless crackhead, because he's staring at you or yelling at you. You especially don't engage because your gf thinks it has any bearing on your manhood or her honor. How does a crackhead staring you two down impact either of your lives overall? What role do his thoughts about you or your gf have on how your life has ended up or where it's going?

Anyone that is too immature to understand these basic concepts is probably someone you should reconsider being around very often. 

[T0mShane]

32 minutes ago, #27TheDominator said:

@T0mShane is just not secure enough in his manhood to say "Oh honey, I'm sorry we crossed the street.  Can we go back across and look in that shop window?  I need a new wig."

This is true facts. Lol

[bicketybam]

Should have whipped your cock out and beat him to death with it like it was a blackjack.

[T0mShane]

Honestly, thanks to everyone in here giving me advice and support. I think I knew it was the right move to bail, but I woke up the next day with some nagging recriminations similar to the ones Bob Odenkirk experienced in Nobody. Seriously, thank you. 
 

As for the gf’s reaction, when she calmed down she apologized for being a dickhead in the moment. 

[slats]

2 hours ago, #27TheDominator said:

getting in that situation as an adult is uncommon amongst the mentally stable.

This is T0m and a woman willing to go out on a second date with him that we’re talking about here, though. 

[#27TheDominator]

15 minutes ago, slats said:

This is T0m and a woman willing to go out on a second date with him that we’re talking about here, though. 

I would like to point out that I used the word amongst simply because it bothers a friend of mine that is not on the site.  I guess that puts me in company with these others. 

[RedBeardedSavage]

Normally if ya got nothing new to contribute it's best to stfu, but in a thread like this, prob the more dudes that reiterate you made the right move, the better.

So yea, way to keep a cool head, Tommy.

If she can't let it go, dump her. 

[LionelRichie]

7 hours ago, RutgersJetFan said:

It's incredibly easy to not engage when a guy is screaming at you and calling you a pussy. You literally just turn around and go the other way. It's actually the easiest, most readily available option out of all of them. Keep in mind you really never know who the hell you're messing with, i.e. a guy in Hollywood a few years back tried to pick a fight with ******* Joe Schilling and guess how that went. Good luck against him with a baton, probably likely he shoves it up your own ass. 

There are conflicting arguments that dudes in gyms have about the topic of weapons but I think more err on the side of not carrying anything on you unless it's a firearm. Any other weapon, from a knife to a baton, gets pulled out and the guy who may have just been picking a fight with you now feels his life is in danger. Carry a gun or learn how to fight, better yet do both, almost anything else is dumb. Pepper spray for women, fine I guess. 

I don’t carry a gun if there’s a chance I’ll have a drink but I usually carry around town.  I also live in a southern state so it’s a lot easier.   But I’d rather have the baton and not need it than need it and not have it.  

[Dcat]

On 5/26/2024 at 6:57 AM, T0mShane said:

So, looking for some perspective from the dudes. Pretty sure I did the right thing, but wondering where we are, as men, when faced with this circumstance. 
 

The Scenario: Took the gf down the shore for a quick weekend trip. Lovely little town, B&B, boardwalk, everything is lovely. It’s about 8pm and it’s chilly, so we’re walking back a quarter mile to the hotel. Sun is setting, waves coming in, cross over to the sidewalk running parallel with the beach. Everything is nice-nice. Then I see him: the town crazy person up ahead. Mid-40’s, frail, a little hunched over, standing on the next corner looking agitated. White guy, Italian features, maybe 5’10, 125 lbs, clothes are too big for him—oversized T-shirt, baggy denim shorts, long socks, jacked up sneakers, like everything he’s got on is from a shelter. His face looks like it’s been caved in fifty times. It’s too late to cross over again, so my thought is to just try and slip by hoping the dude stays calm. 
 

Then the gf sees him staring at us and she stares back and says “Can I help you?” Like, sarcastically, confrontationally. Oh no. She grew up in Florida and went to college in North Carolina, and has lived in suburban Connecticut since. Not too much experience with the limits of the mental health system in the Tri-State as it relates to keeping crazy people out of the general population. Now it’s on. 
 

We pull even with the guy and the guy starts loudly popping off “Who areee you I don’t ******* liiiike you Who areeee you” Crazy guy sh*t. Schizophrenia sh*t. This is a quiet street with a row of restaurants and quaint seaside B&Bs. Guy starts following us, but maintains a six foot radius at all times, like he knows the rules. He’s barking at us “**** you gonna dooooo pussy. Come onnn.” Starts pulling off his shirt like he wants to fight, I guess. I am 6’2, 245. Not fat, per se, but not The Rock. Standard issue construction worker body. I’m not usually subjected to the crazy guy actually wanting to escalate. He’s still six feet away. The gf is yelling at him. He calls the gf a “hooker.” Now I’m like, ah **** I can’t let that slide.  I stop walking, square up with the guy (from six feet) and tell the guy to go back to the corner and relax. When I stopped, he backed up a step, but started getting louder. “Come on pussy. You wanna do something?” The gf’s yelling has triggered this guy, emboldened him. I pull on her arm and move her down the street. It’s clear the guy isn’t going to actually attack us and he’s looking for attention. A closer look at him and I see that he’s ****ed up on something. Eyes half-closed, face is dirty, wobbly on his feet. He starts trying to, I guess, get in a fighting stance(?)

The owner of B&B we were in front of sees what’s going on and starts yelling to the guy that he’s calling the cops. It’s clear he’s familiar with this particular town crackhead and the crackhead knows him. Crackhead guy starts yelling at the B&B guy as he slowly retreats back to his corner. I thank the B&B guy and we continue on our way. 
 

GF is all rattled. I gently try to explain to her that you never, ever engage with crazy people on the street because at best they’re looking for attention, to be acknowledged, to have some human interaction, and the only way they can get it is by being hostile. But then there’s the worst case where you get a crazy person who’s trying to get sent on an all-expenses-paid trip to the local psych ward where they’ll be fed, sheltered, and medicated, and the only way they can get there is via an assault charge so they can be classified as a danger to themselves or others, otherwise they just get tossed back out on the street where they have nothing. The gf is, at first, pissed that I didn’t fight the guy, but when she calms down she says she understands, I was right, etc. 

My question to the dudes here is, was I right? How do you handle it? My general thinking in life is that getting in a street fight with anyone is never worth it unless they’re posing an imminent threat to you or your gf/family, etc, but especially with a crazy person because, at best, you kick the ass of someone who’s already ****ed up and you stand a decent chance of getting stabbed/bitten/bled upon, which ends up with you in the emergency room praying to God you don’t get what that guy has. Worst case, you get killed or maimed by a crackhead.
 

Thoughts from the fellas? 

1. You really have a gf?

2. You were 100% on this.  Agree entirely.

3. gf?  pics or it isn't true.

 

[#27TheDominator]

17 hours ago, T0mShane said:

Honestly, thanks to everyone in here giving me advice and support. I think I knew it was the right move to bail, but I woke up the next day with some nagging recriminations similar to the ones Bob Odenkirk experienced in Nobody. Seriously, thank you. 
 

As for the gf’s reaction, when she calmed down she apologized for being a dickhead in the moment. 

Seriously, the take-away is that you got back to your frou-frou B&B safely and could worry about this.  Agonizing over whether you could have done something "more manly" is only possible because you took care of job one:  Getting out with both of you a) alive, b) unharmed and c) without police intervention taking up the bulk of your night.  

[greenwichjetfan]

1 hour ago, #27TheDominator said:

Seriously, the take-away is that you got back to your frou-frou B&B safely and could worry about this.  Agonizing over whether you could have done something "more manly" is only possible because you took care of job one:  Getting out with both of you a) alive, b) unharmed and c) without police intervention taking up the bulk of your night.  

 I'll add that the manliest men I know (black belt and competition winners for Jiu Jitsu and Muay Tai as well as police officers and firemen) will be the very first to tell you that deescalating and walking away are the only two winning plays in any type of mix-up. And if you have someone with you the way T0m did, getting that person out of the situation safely is priority #1.

[Warfish]

GF is entirely wrong in this situation:

1. Should not have engaged Mr. Crazy, certainly not so aggressively.

2. Should not have verbally continued to engage.  Wtf was she thinking?

3. Should not, in 2024, just expect her dude to kick a guys ass because she couldn't keep her mouth shut in an obvious Darwinian keep-mouth-shut situation.  

4. Should not expect you to kick that guys ass first (hit first), when all he's done is talk crazy sh*t.  Far too many bad outcomes when you cross that threshold.

5. Should not have expected you to go to jail for assault (or risk that) for her mistake.

6. You're both lucky, frankly, it was a weak, thin, drugged out but seemingly harmless loud crazy, and not a more aggressive type of crazy/drug user i.e. someone with a gun and limited desire not to use it.

Sorry Tom, hate to be harsh on your girl, but she was wrong all right down the line on this one.

I get it though, my own wife almost got me in a similar situation in Dublin one night, engaging with a clear-cut aggressive, angry town-drunk type in a shop.  She was far less aggressive, offering him a lighter when he (the drunk) was yelling at the shopkeeper for free matches, but again, do not engage with crazy drugged/drunk folks, and so her kind but misguided effort resulted in said drunk getting a little wordy with her.  Luckily, I'm 6'5" and over 400 pounds and was standing right behind her, and the little drunk (5' nothing 100 and nothing) wasn't going to engage with that so I told my wife to stop trying, we paid and ****ed off to where we were going.  She wasn't mad I didn't beat the guy up tho, so there is that, she was just a little irritated I told her to shush. 

But yeah, sometimes our beloved females don't have the common sense to just stfu when stfu'ing is what's called for.

[The Crusher]

The is why I always have a few crack rocks in my fanny pack when I go for a stroll with my wife. See a crackhead, throw a rock on the street and go on my way. 

[JustInFudge]

6 minutes ago, The Crusher said:

The is why I always have a few crack rocks in my fanny pack when I go for a stroll with my wife. See a crackhead, throw a rock on the street and go on my way. 

#Dr. Crushlove

[bicketybam]

16 minutes ago, The Crusher said:

The is why I always have a few crack rocks in my fanny pack when I go for a stroll with my wife. See a crackhead, throw a rock on the street and go on my way. 

Is crack still a thing? I thought we've moved on to meth?

[The Crusher]

6 minutes ago, bicketybam said:

Is crack still a thing? I thought we've moved on to meth?

So how do you like Jacksonville Florida so far?

[RutgersJetFan]

On 5/29/2024 at 12:04 PM, greenwichjetfan said:

 I'll add that the manliest men I know (black belt and competition winners for Jiu Jitsu and Muay Tai...

The reason they don't want to fight is because they're too ******* sore from training to bother.