Verde Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I didn't think it warranted its own thread. Besides, non-sequiturs rule. "non-sequitur "... Love that phrase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Division Marduk Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl: A new year, a new contest. Sperm has spent the entire off season analysing his strategy, after last seasons debacle. However, there's no getting round it. His Scacia (Salary Cap Analysis Coma Inducer Attack) is a lethal weapon. This year though, Sperm has enhanced it. He's utilising Powerpoint presentations! CrazyCarl is entranced. Not by Sperm's waffle, but by Sperm's difficulty in getting the program running. 20 minutes into the "fight", CC's getting bored, and offers to help. Sperm politely declines, but CC persists. Finally Sperm, fed up with the annoyance swings round and smashes the projector into CCs Face, forcing his nosebone into his brain. CrazyCarl dies without knowing what hit him. Finally Sperm gets all the stuff up and running, and announces he's still going to run the presentation. 23 people are killed with 176 injured in the ensuing panicked stampede to escape the arena. gg vs. shawn306: Shawn306 calls gg the night before the fight, saying how he doesn't want to have to hurt her, and they should work out a deal. After all, Shawn doesn't want to be known as the guy who beat up GreenGal. gg agrees to this. So the next day, as they get into the arena, Shawn suggests that gg slips and hurts herself, and withdraws. so both have their honour intact. gg does slip, and bangs her head. Shawn goes over to see if everything's ok, but gg is unresponsive. Shawn, worried, reaches down to check her pulse, when gg suddenly reaches up, and rams her fingernails into Shawn's eye sockets, pulling out a mass of eyeball, nerves and assorted gore. Shawn, just before he goes into shock and dies, mutters "Why GreenGal, why?" gg replies "Did you not notice the name change? It's not GreenGal any more, it's gg. Stripped down, leaner and a hell of a lot meaner". War Ensemble vs. CTM: CTM goes into this one, figuring he can snap the lanky kid's neck like a twig. Well, if he could reach up that high, he probably could. He jumps onto WE's back, but before he can snap WE's neck, he starts to suffer from altitude sickness. Falling to the ground, extremely hypoxic, he flails round the ring suffering from sever hallucination, while WE reads a couple of chapters of War and Peace. Finally, since it's coming up to his bedtime, WE proceeds to drop his hardback copy of War and Peace. After 30 seconds or so, the book has reached terminal velocity, when it slams into CTM, flattening him into a greasy smear. TaborJet vs. JetsBabe: Jetsbabe saunters into the ring blowing kisses at the crowd, who return the adulation. Just as they're about to start, she leans over to Tabor and whispers "Would you like to do an interview with me? One on one?" Tabor says no, as he delivers an uppercut to her jaw. A stunned JetsBabe picks herself up the floor, her face a mask of rage. "Don't you want publicity?" she taunts Tabor. "Nope" says Tabor, as he delivers a roundhouse kick. This goes on for a while, JB getting more and more ragged as Tabor meets her weakening onslaught with utter indifference and utter violence. Finally, with the darkness about to claim JB, she looks up at Tabor and asks how her wiles had no effect on him. Tabor replies "I'm more afraid of my wife". JB slumps to the floor, unconscious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BP Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 This year, I've decided to take the top 64 posters by rep. I've taken the liberty of removing those who have been banned, those who don't post here anymore, and those that have made it clear that they don't want to take part in something so silly. Here are this years brackets- The "Messin' with the Sasquatch" Bracket 1. BP 2. Sperm Edwards 3. Arsis 4. IrishJet 5. GreenDNA 6. joebabyny 7. GreenBeans 8. Boozer76 9. Garb 10. 4HCrew 11. Tictac 12. NightStalker 13. EY 14. Jetlag 15. CrazyCarl 16. Jetfan13 The "You will respect me!!" bracket 1. Max 2. gg 3. Bob 4. 124 5. #27 6. ThaiJet 7. NJ 8. ElGringoLoco 9. Ghost 10. Bugeater 11. Borgoguy 12. GM 13. Fishooked 14. serphnx 15. shawn306 16. Bronzey The Sta-Puft bracket 1. Thor99 2. WarEnsemble 3. Mrs.TaborJet 4. ECURB 5. JetMo 6. Marko Cavka 7. Verde 8. JonEJet 9. TheTroll 10. PFSIKH 11. gangreenman 12. BZ 13. JR128 14. RynoTheJet 15. CTM 16. Can'tHackett The "Reigning Champion" Brackett Editor's note- I did a google image search for "Reigning Champion" and this was the first pic to show up. 1. PDM 2. Tabor 3. LBS 4. Gainzo 5. Drago 6. SD 7. faba 8. Kidhuman 9. Barton 10. GOB 11. Bren 12. JFBM 13. Bergen 14. Blackout 15. JetsBabe 16. StillerPaul I just laughed out loud and spit my coffee out of my mouth and it went up my nose looking at this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BP Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 It's not that you don't post enough. It's that your posts suck, and you don't get any rep. Sorry, man. Maybe next year. More coffee up the nose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Wow... I'm a 3 seed this year. Thats pretty sad. I agree that is sad for the site. No way you should be that high based on the quality of your packs (or lack thereof). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl: Before the fight Sperm shows Carl the fight strategy that he typed out. It was so long and boring that Carl fell asleep and never made the fight. Sperm wins by forfeit. gg vs. shawn306: Every since Shawn moved he has no problem hitting women for some reason. He unleashes a fury never seen before and wins in round one. War Ensemble vs. CTM: War Ensemble may be a Giant. But he is a boy. He was no match for CTM and his veteran moves. TaborJet vs. JetsBabe: The temp in the ring was slightly chilly and Tabor hates the cold. JB wins this one easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZachEY Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks, War Ensemble. Max is the only #1 seed not to advance. Good job. Next up we have- Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl gg vs. shawn306 War Ensemble vs. CTM TaborJet vs. JetsBabe Lets do some voting. Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl - Walk in the park for the first round. gg vs. shawn306 - Do not mess with a Jewish Mother. War Ensemble vs. CTM - WE may be the heavy favorite, but when you consider that CTM is the exact same person plus roughly 25 years, the nod has to go to experience. TaborJet vs. JetsBabe - TaborJet would win, but he conceeds the match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bergen Jet Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl gg vs. shawn306 War Ensemble vs. CTM: Do I vote for the kid who is probably the first person who I have met in decades who goes to my uber-geek HS or do I vote for my partner in crime? Tough call. TaborJet vs. JetsBabe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 vBookie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PFSIKH Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 You vs. PFSIKH is going go be a good match. He's a crafty old vet. On the other hand, he's a Patsies fan. Yeah, I expect to lose and lose big. Whatever this is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyCarl40 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I vote for Sperm. Half of you have never even heard of me or know I exist. I think Sperm gets by on his rep now anyway. Everyone gives him rep because we as a society are too lazy to read anything more than two sentences, so people just give him POTW and rep for his posts. Of course, if my theory is correct you've already stopped reading this and given Sperm the victory. Hey, at least I was in this thing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I vote for Sperm. Half of you have never even heard of me or know I exist. I think Sperm gets by on his rep now anyway. Everyone gives him rep because we as a society are too lazy to read anything more than two sentences, so people just give him POTW and rep for his posts. Of course, if my theory is correct you've already stopped reading this and given Sperm the victory. Hey, at least I was in this thing! lol back to the sinbin for ya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slowmoe57 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 i really just wanted to know how one gets on the list i could careless about the tourney but since you asked Marko Elgringoloco JR128 Rynothejet some of these guys ive only seen post like twice in my 2 and half years on this site BINGO Lil MIck I am insulted by the omission and all the retreads from JI please this whoel thing is BS -- T and A also get you far I suppose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks, War Ensemble. Max is the only #1 seed not to advance. Good job. Next up we have- Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl gg vs. shawn306 War Ensemble vs. CTM TaborJet vs. JetsBabe Lets do some voting. Sperm writes a day long diatribe and bores CC to death WE oversleeps and CTM wins by default JB has Abobo by her side and the tag team duo easily pins Tabor, who is hoping for a quick 3way. GG brings a nice briscuit to match, and while Shaun indulges, she sneaks around his back and with a loud OY, she snaps his neck like a twig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishooked Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Sperm Edwards because his username is teh funny GG because she has boobies I like we, mature beyond his years, but I have to go with my boy CTM Jetsbabe because she has boobies too....oh, and um...*ahem* because she's my friend too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoneStarLady Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl -- sperm is better than being crazy gg vs. shawn306 -- because old hags (oops, mature women) rule War Ensemble vs. CTM -- no real reason TaborJet vs. JetsBabe -- wasn't he in the police van with Max when GOB was visiting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garb Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks, War Ensemble. Max is the only #1 seed not to advance. Good job. Next up we have- Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl gg vs. shawn306 War Ensemble vs. CTM TaborJet vs. JetsBabe Lets do some voting. Sperm comes to the match naked. Crazy Carl runs away screaming "No Homo!" Sperm wins by default. GG offers candy corn to her opponent before the match. Shawn graciously accepts and eats several. Little did Shawn know they were sugar coated cocoons. Three second into the match, the vindictive butterflyes unhatched and Shawn gets an awful tummy ache, drops to his knees and wimpers "no mas, no mas." GG flings her arms up in victory and starts singing "Me so Horny" by 2 Live Crew. War starts his oral book report on War and Peace. CTM dies of boredom. War wins by death. Taborjet is the King of the attention whores. Princess hasn't a chance. Facing sure humility, Jetsbabe starts some thread designed to get her banned from Jetnation. Last I heard she was standing in front of JI headquaters with a box of Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewilly Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I vote for Sperm. Half of you have never even heard of me or know I exist. I think Sperm gets by on his rep now anyway. Everyone gives him rep because we as a society are too lazy to read anything more than two sentences, so people just give him POTW and rep for his posts. Of course, if my theory is correct you've already stopped reading this and given Sperm the victory. Hey, at least I was in this thing! haha great post & yeah I read the whole thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
124 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Sperm Edwards vs. CrazyCarl - Sperm comes out with way too many statistics as to why he should win and all Carl can come up with is that he thinks Marc Andre Fluery is actually a good goalie. gg vs. shawn306 - GG blasts shawn into outerspace with a thrust of the upper body. War Ensemble vs. CTM - War Ensemble crushes the newb. TaborJet vs. JetsBabe - JetsBabe tries to seduce TJ, but it doesn't work as she is the second one, after Bronzey, to realize the JN Moderators are not straight. TJ hits her over the head with a crowbar, and its over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor99 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Excellent job, folks. Sperm, gg, Jetsbabe and CTM have all advanced. The next round is- Boozer vs. Garb El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost Instant Classic vs. The Troll Kidhuman vs. Barton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jets Babe Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Excellent job, folks. Sperm, gg, Jetsbabe and CTM have all advanced. The next round is- Boozer vs. Garb El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost Instant Classic vs. The Troll Kidhuman vs. Barton yes!!! close call...but i'm glad my seduction techniques won. Garb verbally abuses Boozer, and he cries in a corner waving the white flag. Garb wins. El Gringo Loco wins because he has a cooler name. Instant Classic wins because I don't know who the troll is..lol Kid Human smacks Barton for having such a ****ty user name. KH wins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonEJet Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Boozer vs. Garb....As I am in the liquor biz, the name wins it for me....Boozer El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost....Having recently been to Costa Rica, EGL gets the nod because I am now spanish frienldy Instant Classic vs. The Troll.....Can't in good faith vote for a Troll....IC is the winner Kidhuman vs. Barton.....this is a close one, but since he is a doooshey, Barton goes down swinging...KH Wins Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slowmoe57 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Garb -- Might as well keep the T and A thing going Ghost -- Does loco even post here anymore Troll -- Because IC was whiney about the death pool Kid Human -- no reason -- its a toss up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Division Marduk Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Boozer vs. Garb: Garb, hurt by accusations of Patriotesque cheating last year by using her high horse to trample her opponents underneath its hooves, decides to show she can do it herself. Boozer, on the other hand, just wants to beat the crap out of a Patsie fan. Garb starts off with a combo of high kicks, which has Boozer railing, but Boozer slams her in the head with his guitar, putting her down. Blood pouring out of her face, Garb is seeing stars. Boozer, deciding to rub his imminent victory in, starts to play a rather derogatory song about Troy Brown. Bad move. In one lightning move, Garb picks herself up off the ground, grabs Boozer's guitar, snaps it in half, and stakes him through the heart with the guitar neck. To everyone's shock, Boozer promptly burns up into ashes Buffy-style. El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost: Short and sweet. El Gringo Loco launches himself at Ghost, and bites him. Ghost, who thinking EGR has rabies, judging by the strange expression and the foaming at the mouth, runs screaming to the nearest isolation ward. Instant Classic vs. The Troll: Another quick one. The Troll just kicks Instant Classic in the bollocks, and as IC goes down, knees him under the chin hard enough to snap his neck. Kidhuman vs. Barton: Barton decides to hurt KH where it hurts - his Doctor Who obsession. He starts winding him up be laughing at the cheap cardboard sets, the aliens which were just men in really bad plastic costumes, the terrible acting, the pathetic scripts, etc. KH retorts that that was Doctor Who of the past, the new series is a huge improvement, but Barton simply says "Once a dooshey of a show, always a dooshey". Enraged, tears clouding his vision, KH charges in, as Barton easily sidesteps, administering a punch to the back of the head as he does so. KH goes down. Laughing, Barton picks up KH, and lands some more punches, while KH fumbles round in his pockets. Barton, interested, drops KH to the floor, whereupon KH finds what he's been looking for - his sonic screwdriver. Barton laughs hysterically at the thought of KH doing damage with a little plastic prop. Shame he didn't realise that in preparation for the bout, KH replaced it with a real screwdriver, and skewers Barton in a major artery. Barton bleeds out quite rapidly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Excellent job, folks. Sperm, gg, Jetsbabe and CTM have all advanced. The next round is- Boozer vs. Garb El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost Instant Classic vs. The Troll Kidhuman vs. Barton Boozer brings a guitar to serenade Garb, Garb starts blabbering in bahstonese and Booz's ears goe Pftt and it's over in Pontiac. Ghost wins as EGL sharts from too much mexicali food and is Dq'd IC a victory for IC Kidhuman wins a close battle with barton as his Username is more original and Barton blows Donkey D1ck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Borgoguy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Boozer vs. Garb: This one goes down as a steel cage death match with Boozer prevailing after he uncorks a spinning roundhouse to Garb's cheek. Though Garb withstands the blow like a champ, Boozer's manager, and brother in all things guitar and vocals--SFJ--seals the deal by sneaking up behind her with a metal folding chair and unleashing the kill shot. Winner: Boozer. El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost: Though Ghost attempts to employ a micronized version of the Romulan cloaking device, the savvy El Gringo Loco counters with a version lifted from his recent trip aboard a Klingon Bird of Prey. (Romulans shared this technology with the Klingons circa 2268.) Winner: El Gringo Loco. Instant Classic vs. The Troll: Though both are horribly maimed and disfigured at a pudding eating contest gone awry--which was to have determined the winner--Instant Classic prevails because of a brilliant maneuver using what is left of his scrotal sack to trigger the ejection seat. Winner: Instant Classic. Kidhuman vs. Barton: Against a passionate plea (for some unknown reason using sign language in which he is not at all fluent) by the benevolent--some would say tragically "hip"--site owner Max, the combatants decide that their match will be decided by who most quickly flays the skin from the body of a sedated Howler Monkey using only bull whips borrowed from a nearby dude ranch. Though Barton starts out fast and furious, Kidhuman--in a show of deft, yet somehow humane, whipping technique and barbaric ferocity not seen since the Spanish Inquisition--gets the last bit of epidermis and brain matter off the Howler's skull in record time. Winner: Kidhuman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 yes!!! close call...but i'm glad my seduction techniques won. I didn't read this entire thread but please tell me that someone made a joke about JetsBabe cheating and had a boy fight for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jets Babe Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I didn't read this entire thread but please tell me that someone made a joke about JetsBabe cheating and had a boy fight for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kidhuman Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Boozer vs. Garb - Garb wins a close one over boozer, but she had RSN behind her and Tom Bradys amputated leg to kick him in the nutz with El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost - Ghost pulled vanishing act, but reappeared behind EGL and snapped his neck Instant Classic vs. The Troll - Instant Classic wins Kidhuman vs. Barton - KH headbutts Barton to Oblivion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
war ensemble Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Boozer vs. Garb: Garb peeks into Boozer's house and finds his game plan, which she uses against Boozer to destroy him. El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost: El Gringo Loco calls 51pa's school and gets him suspended from the fight. Instant Classic vs. The Troll: The Troll uses his magic green thumb to kick IC's ass. Kidhuman vs. Barton: Kidhuman wins by experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZachEY Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Excellent job, folks. Sperm, gg, Jetsbabe and CTM have all advanced. The next round is- Boozer vs. Garb El Gringo Loco vs. Ghost Instant Classic vs. The Troll Kidhuman vs. Barton Boozer wins for calling Duane a Pig Farmer and living to tell about it. Ghost wins for me knowing who he is. Instant Classic wins because I believe The Troll has a Cubs logo in his avatar and they never win. Kidhuman wins for his unbeatable PacMan score. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vudu Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 LOLOLOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Borgoguy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 LOLOLOL! Bronzey, if you beat Max, will you please put back that great photo of your gorgeous self as your avatar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Bronzey, if you beat Max, will you please put back that great photo of your gorgeous self as your avatar? she did win!!!!!!!! PM me the full picture please Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor99 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Garb, Gringo, Instant Classic and Kidhuman advance. There are some great second round matches already. Continuing the first round- GreenBeans vs. 4H NJ vs. Bugeater Verde vs. PFSIKH faba vs. GOB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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