First Annual JetNation Tourney

[Smizzy]

Assmop vs. Verde- Assmop doesn't stand a change with Verde and Her Dobbies come to the ring.

JGB vs. GreenDNA- JGB comes to the ring with #2 already in his pants. He proceeds top throw **** @ GreenDNA until he runs screaming from the ring.

Bugg vs. RSJ- RSJ is not prepared for the RUKUS Bugg is bringing. Its like Rambo meets Cinderella....not the band.

GimmeShelter vs. MrsTabor - MrsTabor is vicious and has been training all summer with Kimbo Slice for this tourney. She not only kills GS...she also gnaws off his head an proceeds to chew on it in front of GS kids.

[Bob]

Assmop vs. Verde- Just as they're about to start, the Khashi Verde had for breakfast decides it needs to find its way out. Assmop wins and still has time for 18 holes of golf

JGB vs. GreenDNA - DNA has a bad cold and can't smell a thing. With his primary weapon gone, JGB decides keeping score isn't such a great idea, after all. DNA wins.

Bugg vs. RSJ - Bugg is crazy. Bat**** crazy. RSJ never had a chance.

GimmeShelter vs. MrsTabor - Shelter is clever. Mrs. TJ is nice. Shelter wins the most boring match of the tourney, so far.

[TaborJet]

MrsTabor is vicious and has been training all summer with Kimbo Slice for this tourney. She not only kills GS...she also gnaws off his head an proceeds to chew on it in front of GS kids.

Sounds like the average weeknight at the Tabor's.

[Smizzy]

Sounds like the average weeknight at the Tabor's.

Anytime you want to wife swap,let me know. I'd gladly switch!

[MrsTaborJet]

Sounds like the average weeknight at the Tabor's.

Wurd.

[NJ]

VG is so busy sketching the ring in charcoal grey's and brown's that Assmop convinces the ref she's a reporter for the Post and wins on a forfeit.

DNA enters the ring to rastle JGB adorned in his Bomba The Jungle Boy loincloth... JGB laughs so hard he pisses his trunks and slips in the consequent puddle allowing DNA to put him in an Inverted Camel Clutch Sleeper. It's over in seconds from there.

Bugg growls at RSJ. RSJ laughs in Buggs face. Bugg outs with a NYPD issue brickbat and kneecaps RSJ with 3 swipes in .9 seconds. RSJ is stretchered out.

GimmeShelter simply gives Mrs. Tabor a credit card to go shopping in the city. She cant get out of the ring fast enough.

[Kidhuman]

Assmop vs. Verde - Verde mops the floor with an Assmop

JGB vs. GreenDNA - JGB reaks out into a filabuster with lawyer lingo and lulls GreenDNA to sleep.

Bugg vs. RSJ - Bugg enters the ring and walks out victorious after RSJ trips between the ropes and knocks himself out

GimmeShelter vs. MrsTabor - Gimmeshelter comes out string and whacks Mrs T in the face with a backand. Mrs T falls to the ground crying, GS feels so bad he checks to see if she is ok as he doesnt want Tabor to ban him. Mrs T grabs his bean bag and twists until GS submits. Mrs T with the win

[Smizzy]

GimmeShelter vs. MrsTabor - Gimmeshelter comes out string and whacks Mrs T in the face with a backand. Mrs T falls to the ground crying, GS feels so bad he checks to see if she is ok as he doesnt want Tabor to ban him. Mrs T grabs his bean bag and twists until GS submits. Mrs T with the win

She's goes for the beans and it's all over. Tough loss GS.

[Thor99]

The first round is now complete-

Verde, GreenDNA, Bugg and Mrs.Tabor join the rest of the cool kids in the second round.

[Kidhuman]

Did any of the women lose?

[Smizzy]

Did any of the women lose?

Just SouthernJet

[Thor99]

Did any of the women lose?

JFBM lost to Sasquatch124. Not really her fault.

Seems like it was bad luck to draw a female in the first round.

[124]

UPDATED: 04/17/08

The Kitchen Worker Region

1 Smizzy - faces GreenDNA

3 Barton - faces Garb

6 Garb - faces Barton

7 Arsis - faces NJ

9 GreenDNA - faces Smizzy

12 Kidhuman - faces Boozer

13 Boozer - faces Kidhuman

15 NJ - faces winner of Arsis

The Powder Region

1 Max - faces Verde

2 SFJ - faces Bren

3 IrishJet - faces Thor99

4 Greengal - faces PFSIKH

5 PFSIKH - faces Greengal

6 Thor99 - faces IrishJet

9 Verde - faces Max

10 Bren - faces SFJ

The SSII Region

1 124 - faces Bugg

2 faba - faces #27

3 BP - faces JoebabyNY

5 Gainzo - faces SPJets

7 #27 - faces faba

8 Bugg - faces 124

11 joebabyny - faces BP

13 spjets - faces Gainzo

The '72 Pinto Region

2 Alk - faces Drago

3 Sperm Edwards - faces Bob

5 PDM - faces Shawn306

6 Bob - faces SpermEdwards

7 Drago - faces Alk

9 MrsTaborJet - faces JetMoses

13 Shawn306 - faces PDM

16 JetMoses - faces MrsTaborJet

ROUND 2, DAY ONE MATCHUPS:

#1 Smizzy vs. #9 Green DNA

#1 Max vs. #9 Verde

#1 124 vs. #8 Bugg

#16 JetMoses vs. #9 MrsTaborJet

[Thor99]

Thanks for doing that, Joe.

We could have done without the last line, though.

[124]

Smizzy vs GreenDNA - Smizzy is one scary MoFo with those tats, but GreenDNA can handle his own as well. Unfortunately for GreenDNA, Smizzy doesn't drink and while he shoves a funnel containing 24 beers down DNA's throat, he crotch kicks him to Idaho and takes the victory.

Max vs Verde - This was definitely the match-up between the sexiest moderator in the universe against the sexy workout queen. Although she may run faster than Max, nobody can throw a Ham sandwhich, with a blade stuck in it, farther than Max. It slices through Verde's 1 inch layer of skin and her thin bones.

Myself vs Bugg - Bugg puts up a good fight, but in the end, I squash him like a bug, Marko Cavka style as I scream " I WANT BP CHEWBACA IN THE ELITE 8, BRING ME HIM, I EAT HAIR!"

JetMoses vs MrsTaborJet - Don't let MrsT's sweetness fool you, she can kick some serious ass, but JetMoses wasn't the first ever 16 seed to beat a 1 seed without a reason. His cung-fu ninja skills propel him into the Sweet 16.

[Smizzy]

#1 Smizzy vs. #9 Green DNA - GreenDna comes out swinging but it quickly becomes apparent Smizzy's head is like a rock and Dna breaks both his hands. Smizzy pulls a Terry Tate and GDNA goes down for the count. Smizzy wins.

#1 Max vs. #9 Verde - Verde again brings the dogs to the ring,only this time they like Max and lick him,his sweat is sweet. The dogs like it and before long he has them attack Verde. Max wins

#1 124 vs. #8 Bugg - Bugg brings napalm to the fight and blows it is Joe's eyes. 124 goes down faster than Thor99 at a Men at Work concert but the half boy half man is only wobbled. Bugg didn't bring enough Napalm to do the job. 124 gathers himself ans then eats Bugg whole. 124 wins

#16 JetMoses vs. #9 MrsTaborJet - JetMoses spent the entire week beating up a Hillary Clinton blowup doll to prepare for this fight. He however was not prepared for the outfit she showed up in.

Moses can't do anything but drool. Mrs.T wins

[Kidhuman]

#1 Smizzy vs. #9 Green DNA - Smizzy flying high off of having Derek Jeter for a kid, easily wins this one.

#1 Max vs. #9 Verde - Verde brings her dogs to this fight, but Max counters with cynaide laced steaks. Verde left defenseless falls to Max

#1 124 vs. #8 Bugg - Bugg with a lightning quick left stuns 124. Bugg is moving in for the kill when 24 ducks. Bugg hits the turnbuckle hard and 124 goes for the quick roll up. Bugg kicks out at 2 and 3/4 count. Bugg gets up and goes for a clotheline, 124 ducks it. Bugg counters with a super-kick to the chin and KO's 124. Bugg is victorious

#16 JetMoses vs. #9 MrsTaborJet - Mrs T fresh off her victory comes to the ring in a stunning 1 piece swimsuit. Jetmoses, in shock doesnt see Mr. T come up from behind and gets clubbed with a steel chair. Mrs. T for the quick pin.

[Thai Jet]

Smizzy comes out smokin and BBQ's DNA's dreams of moving on. Max skillfully places a mailman outside the ring which distracts Verdes dogs as he moves in for the easy pin. 124 uses a special chemical de-bugging pesticide solution supplied by Thai Jet. However Bug is wearing a gas mask supplied by Kid Human and stuns 124 for the victory. Jet Moses comes prepared with pictures of Bruce Lee pasted inside his eye lids. This keeps him so focused is never even notices Mrs. T's outfit. It's no contest after that and Jet Moses moves on.

[joebabyny]

Anytime you want to wife swap,let me know. I'd gladly switch!

let's not get this thread locked too, lol

[NJ]

Smizzy leaps onto DNA in the ring before the ref starts the match. He then runs him into the turnbuckle and attempts a Riviera Cloverleaf, but being an experienced warrior, DNA breaks out of the hold and puts Smizzy on his knees with an armbar. In desperation - Smizzy pantses DNA exposing his credentials and immediately employs the Death Dick Lock on DNA. Just coming off a multi week roadtrip away from the Mrs. - DNA sprouts harder than Kelcy's Goat and shatters Smizzys jaw leaving DNA the victor as Smizzy gets stretchered off.

Verde walks up and whispers something in Max's ear just as the match starts. Max says "I quit" and walks out of the ring grinning.

At the opening bell - Bugg grabs 124's arm and puts him in the Argentine Crossbow. It's over in 10 seconds.

Jetmo and Mrs. T go 3 complete rounds without ever touching each other - both using some of the fanciest footwork seen in these parts in awhile. Sombody in the crowd offers Jetmo a cold quart of Old Mil in a paper bag and he leaves the ring to get it forcing a judges disqualification.

[joebabyny]

Smizzy vs GreenDNA - Smizzy is one scary MoFo with those tats, but GreenDNA can handle his own as well. Unfortunately for GreenDNA, Smizzy doesn't drink and while he shoves a funnel containing 24 beers down DNA's throat, he crotch kicks him to Idaho and takes the victory.

Max vs Verde - This was definitely the match-up between the sexiest moderator in the universe against the sexy workout queen. Although she may run faster than Max, nobody can throw a Ham sandwhich, with a blade stuck in it, farther than Max. It slices through Verde's 1 inch layer of skin and her thin bones.

Myself vs Bugg - Bugg puts up a good fight, but in the end, I squash him like a bug, Marko Cavka style as I scream " I WANT BP CHEWBACA IN THE ELITE 8, BRING ME HIM, I EAT HAIR!"

JetMoses vs MrsTaborJet - Don't let MrsT's sweetness fool you, she can kick some serious ass, but JetMoses wasn't the first ever 16 seed to beat a 1 seed without a reason. His cung-fu ninja skills propel him into the Sweet 16.

so dude, how afraid are you of going up against me in the next round, i hear you keep calling out bp. When it comes time to vote on my fight this round are you gonna punk out and just go with the one you think you will have an easier time with? I am calling you out now like the bitch you is 124!!

[Arsis]

Smizzy

Max

Bugg

Mrs. T

[Patsyfan]

Smizzy

Max

Bugg

jetmo

[Panzer Division Marduk]

#1 Smizzy vs. #9 Green DNA: Smizzy isn't sure he can handle DNA, so he gets sneaky. A phone call to GOB for the loan of a taser, which GOB supplies. As the fight starts, Smizzy pulls out the taser and fires. Unfortunately for him, GOB, still bitter over his treatment in the mods shower stall 2 years ago, had rewired the taser to act in reverse, as well as jacking up the power. Smizzy does his best impersonation of Pedro Medina, as the fire brigade have to be called to put him out.

#1 Max vs. #9 Verde: Without waiting for the pre-match introductions, Verde sets the dogs on Max. However, after a few bites, the dogs keel over from food poisoning. Verde is so angered, she goes into a killfrenzy. Even then it still takes her an hour to finally beat Max to a pulp.

#1 124 vs. #8 Bugg: Bugg walks in dressed up as Mike Nugent, complete with mask. 124 just can't bring himself to hit the Nuuuuuge. As a result, the definition of a one sided battle.

#16 JetMoses vs. #9 MrsTaborJet: JetMo is angry. Real angry. Feeling he didn't get enough credit for his defeat of Ecurb, Mrs T's in trouble. Before the match Mrs T gets what appears to be a message from 124 to meet him in the car park. She decides to take her husband along with a couple of baseball to finally sort the situation out for once and for all. When they get there, there's no sign of 124. But what they do see is one biiiig truck motoring for them very fast, with JetMo at the wheel. Mr T shoves his wife out of the way, but is hit by the truck, snapping his spine, 7 ribs, both legs and an arm. However, his sacrifice is in vain. As Mrs T tries to help her husband, JetMo simply reverses over them, and parks.

[124]

so dude, how afraid are you of going up against me in the next round, i hear you keep calling out bp. When it comes time to vote on my fight this round are you gonna punk out and just go with the one you think you will have an easier time with? I am calling you out now like the bitch you is 124!!

Dude it looks like I won't even make the 1st round due to people who are f'ing nuts in the head in picking Bugg to defeat me. Arsis, who wants me to be a moderator here, has voted against me both times. Whats with that?

And please joebaby, you'd be eaiser to beat than anyone else.

[Bob]

#1 Smizzy vs. #9 Green DNA

#1 Max vs. #9 Verde

#1 124 vs. #8 Bugg

#16 JetMoses vs. #9 MrsTaborJet

Somebody tells Smizzy that DNA is a member of the Latin Kings. It isn't true, but Smizzy flashes back to an earlier incident and goes all firewood on DNA.

Max horrifies Verde by filling his corner with carbs. Unable to concentrate, she falls easily to the weblord.

124 gets drunk and forgets to show up. Bugg wins.

Somebody tells Moses that Mrs. T. is a Hillary Clinton supporter. After destroying her, Moses is found wandering around the Meadowlands yelling, "Farrior! You SUCK!"

[Thai Jet]

Dude it looks like I won't even make the 1st round due to people who are f'ing nuts in the head in picking Bugg to defeat me. Arsis, who wants me to be a moderator here, has voted against me both times. Whats with that?

And please joebaby, you'd be eaiser to beat than anyone else.

Funny this sounds a little bit like whineing.

[SouthernJet]

Just SouthernJet

JI The Sequel..

Good job Max...

[Maxman]

SJ complaining because Smizzy called him a woman? LOL. After he has attacked a female poster who isn't even here to defend herself. Attacked her for years. In a pretty brutal way as well.

I am sorry but this is some funny sh*t. We all need thicker skin (generally speaking). Yeah Thor, mine is plenty thick already hahaha.

But from what I can see this is all being done in good fun.

[SouthernJet]

SJ complaining because Smizzy called him a woman? LOL. After he has attacked a female poster who isn't even here to defend herself. Attacked her for years. In a pretty brutal way as well.

I am sorry but this is some funny sh*t. We all need thicker skin (generally speaking). Yeah Thor, mine is plenty thick already hahaha.

But from what I can see this is all being done in good fun.

[Ghost]

As long as Joebaby loses, I'm good.

[SouthernJet]

SJ complaining because Smizzy called him a woman? LOL. After he has attacked a female poster who isn't even here to defend herself. Attacked her for years. In a pretty brutal way as well.

I am sorry but this is some funny sh*t. We all need thicker skin (generally speaking). Yeah Thor, mine is plenty thick already hahaha.

But from what I can see this is all being done in good fun.

If calling her Sooths wife (only thing I have done in a long time) is brutal, then fine..

But only done after you like a 'Internet Tough Guy', continously attacked Sooth, who isnt here to defend either..

You need a Mods Book of Rules and a Peons Book of Rules

[Maxman]

If calling her Sooths wife (only thing I have done in a long time) is brutal, then fine..

But only done after you continously attacked Sooth who isnt here either..

You need a Mods Book of Rules and a Peons Book of Rules

The bad boy of internet message boards has spoken. Step back everyone. You did joke about Sooth's wife and that is totally uncool. But that is not what I am even talking about. At the end of the day what it comes down to is you can dish it out but you can't take it. It's really that simple.

I was talking about you make 14,000 fat jokes about a female poster that isn't even here. You attack her with such venom and then complain when a mod jokingly calls you a woman.

But whatever man, we have a good school yard, juvenille thread to get back to.

Here are my selections for this round:

Smizzy vs. Green DNA: Based on fight merit alone this fight wouldn't last one round. DNA comments that he has never seen so much jailhouse ink during the pre-fight weigh in. That sets Smizzy off and during the fight he comes out strong. Luckily DNA brought his stash of porn with him and distracted Smizzy. DNA wins after Smizzy is disqualified for "illegal touching" of himself.

Verde vs. Max -- Max forgets to remove the good luck pork chop that he keeps tied around his neck for good luck. And Verde's dog attacks. This fight is over by way of TKO in 20 seconds. Verde wins.

124 vs. Bugg: During the pre-fight instructions Bugg fell asleep when 124 kept talking about NUGE. 124 sat on him for the win.

JetMoses vs. MrsTaborJet: Mrs T wins after 127 rounds of intense fighting. In round 3 it was obvious that she could have won early. But she commented later that she likes to kill her men slowly.

[SouthernJet]

The bad boy of internet message boards has spoken. Step back everyone. You did joke about Sooth's wife and that is totally uncool. But that is not what I am even talking about. At the end of the day what it comes down to is you can dish it out but you can't take it. It's really that simple.

I was talking about you make 14,000 fat jokes about a female poster that isn't even here. You attack her with such venom and then complain when a mod jokingly calls you a woman.

But whatever man, we have a good school yard, juvenille thread to get back to.

Thats fine. Not a problem. I just disagree with you in a respectful way.

[Garb]

Can JN bring back Tx and JBF now? LOL!