T0mShane Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 10. Miami Dolphins. (Super Bowl appearances: 5. Super Bowl wins: 2. Last championship: 1974.) 1974! Can you believe that? I was a bit stunned to realize the Dolphins -- who always feel like a marquee NFL franchise -- had gone 40 years between titles. That they did it with one of the best quarterbacks in NFL history for half that time is particularly astounding. They're 1-3 in the playoffs since Dan Marino retired, and his final playoff game ended with a 62-3 loss. The Dolphins are a bit underrated, fan torture-wise. 9. Arizona Cardinals. (Super Bowl appearances: 1. Super Bowl wins: 0.) Like the Buccaneers before them, they've really only had one good era, and theirs only last two years. They also had a particularly painful Super Bowl loss, and a growing fan base in one of the nicest new stadiums in the league. The problem is that the fan base just isn't big enough to shoot them higher up this list. Even with the new stadium, the Cardinals are still prone to invasions from bigger fan bases like the Steelers, Cowboys and Packers. Still: If you've been a lifelong fan of the Cardinals -- like me -- trust me, you've suffered through a ton. 8. Kansas City Chiefs. (Super Bowl appearances: 2. Super Bowl wins: 1. Last championship: 1970.) The Chiefs are a great lunatic fan base, as anyone who has ever gone to a game in Arrowhead Stadium can tell you. Here's a factoid that'll surprise you: The last Kansas City Chiefs quarterback to win a playoff game is Joe Montana. That spans eight playoff losses in a row. That's brutal. 7. San Diego Chargers. (Super Bowl appearances: 1. Super Bowl wins: 0.) Don't sleep on the Chargers, pain-wise. They've had legit Hall of Fame superstar talents (Dan Fouts, LaDainian Tomlinson) but have never done that much with them: Somehow, the Chargers only won one more playoff game with LaDainian than the Jets did. For a couple of years there, the Chargers looked like the best team in the NFL. Even though they did make the playoffs this year, that feels like a long time ago now. 6. New York Jets. (Super Bowl appearances: 1. Super Bowl wins: 1. Last championship: 1969.) The good news is that they're undefeated in the Super Bowl! The bad news is everything else. You can make an extremely strong case that Rex Ryan has had the most success as Jets coach, in a macro sense, since that Super Bowl. I once wrote a piece for New York magazine about the horror of Jets quarterbacks, and that was before Mark Sanchez. The Jets are the team the rest of the NFL is always laughing at. 5. Philadelphia Eagles. (Super Bowl appearances: 2. Super Bowl wins: 0.) Every team's fans want a championship, but I think you can make an argument that no team's fans want a championship more than Eagles' fans. It's not particularly healthy, all told, and I'm not sure they deserve one as much as some others, but the coach and quarterback who bring a title to Philadelphia will be lionized. And then of course hit with something. But lionized first. All right, we're going to pause here, because the last four teams are so obviously head-and-shoulders ahead of the rest of the NFL in terms of torturing their fans that I felt a paragraphs needed to separate them was necessary. All four of these teams could easily be in the No. 1 spot. Where you put them depends on your pain preference. Does it hurt more to have your team come so close to the precipice and fall short, or to have them never even make it that far in the first place? I decided to split the difference. 4. Minnesota Vikings. (Super Bowl appearances: 4. Super Bowl wins: 0.) Remember, it's not just that the Vikings have lost four Super Bowls, though there is of course that. It's that they've come so close to the Super Bowl often without making it since then so many times. Since their last Super Bowl appearance in 1977, the Vikings have made it to the NFC Championship Game six times. They lost all six, including two of them in overtime. The worst loss had to be the loss to Atlanta in the January 1999 conference title game, a dominant team that imploded at the exact wrong time. That there are three teams that arguably have put their fans through more misery than the Vikings is proof the NFL god is a vengeful god. 3. Detroit Lions. (Super Bowl appearances: None.) The Lions are the only team in the NFL that has played in every season of the Super Bowl era and has never made the game. They've played on 48 Thanksgiving days in that time, but never, ever in the Super Bowl. They've really never been all that close, making the NFC Championship Game only once. (Where Washington destroyed them 41-10.) And they've won one playoff game total in the Super Bowl era. The Detroit Lions are mean people doing mean things to their fans, and they'll never stop. 2. Cleveland Browns. (Super Bowl appearances: None.) Cleveland Browns fans, I'd argue, are the most loyal fan base to a team and an ownership that absolutely does not deserve them in all of sports. Like the Lions, the Browns have never made a Super Bowl, but they've been close, which just makes The Drive all that worse. Also pushing them above the Lions is that small matter of their beloved team leaving them for a few years, and then being horrible since they "returned." The Browns are cruel and wrong. 1. Buffalo Bills. (Super Bowl appearances: 4. Super Bowl wins: None.) The Bills hit the trifecta of pain. They: a: Have not made the playoffs since 1999, the longest drought in the NFL. (This game also happens to have been lost in the most ridiculous fashion imaginable.) b: Have made it to the Super Bowl four times without ever winning it. c: Lost those four games right in a row, with an amazing collection of talent few teams in the NFL have assembled in succession since. In addition to this, the Bills play one game every season in Toronto, live in a city that's constantly battling economic woes and are perpetually in danger of being moved to Los Angeles. If that ever happened, if the Bills ever moved, they better win a Super Bowl first. Because no fan base deserves one, and has earned one, more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity28 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 This seems about right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LWC611 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 This seems about right. I concur... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RutgersJetFan Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Cleveland at 2 is ******* insane. They had the team stolen from them for several years. Forget the fact that they have 2 playoff appearances since 1990, that alone puts them atop the rest of the suckage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard King Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Who wrote this, DWC? The Dolphins feel like a marquee franchise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTM Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 #6!? Having to endure T0mShane alone gets us top 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt39 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 No Bengals? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T0mShane Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Who wrote this, DWC? The Dolphins feel like a marquee franchise? Sorry. Will Leitch. SportsOnEarth.com http://t.co/v3psVFunHk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T0mShane Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 #6!? Having to endure T0mShane alone gets us top 3 I make suffering feel like masturbation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Crusher Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I make suffering feel like masturbation Then your doing it wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard King Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Sorry. Will Leitch. SportsOnEarth.com http://t.co/v3psVFunHk Np. I was just shocked that you read on after he listed Rex as the greatest coach since Weeb Ewbank. I thought for sure your phone or computer would be in pieces at this point. Also, I can't bless the choosing of Buffalo as #1. Going to four !!consecutive!! Superbowls with Jim Kelly (omg if we ever had a real QB...Christmas list in perpetuity) is a memory that this fanbase would kill for. #1 imo should be Cleveland or Detroit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T0mShane Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 Np. I was just shocked that you read on after he listed Rex as the greatest coach since Weeb Ewbank. I thought for sure your phone or computer would be in pieces at this point. Also, I can't bless the choosing of Buffalo as #1. Going to four !!consecutive!! Superbowls with Jim Kelly (omg if we ever had a real QB...Christmas list in perpetuity) is a memory that this fanbase would kill for. #1 imo should be Cleveland or Detroit. Ha. It's a trolly listicle. No sane person thinks that Rex is better than Parcells, but for the purposes of this article it works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T0mShane Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 Then your doing it wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewillie78 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 "The horror of the JETS Quarterbacks". GREAT analysis. YET its still 45 years later and in the most recent past, we have had SANCHEZ and now the lowest rated QB in the league. We haven't learned from 45 years of misery, yet when you suggest that we trade up, and use some picks to get to the top of the draft to get a REAL QB, people react like you want to watch REX play beach volley ball. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flgreen Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 "The horror of the JETS Quarterbacks". GREAT analysis. YET its still 45 years later and in the most recent past, we have had SANCHEZ and now the lowest rated QB in the league. We haven't learned from 45 years of misery, yet when you suggest that we trade up, and use some picks to get to the top of the draft to get a REAL QB, people react like you want to watch REX play beach volley ball. Is that a beach volley ball team in your Sig? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewillie78 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Is that a beach volley ball team in your Sig? Enough with the Sig jokes, its starting to bother me.....................................and Elton. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeWillie Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I'd reorder the top 3... 3. Buffalo Bills 2. Detroit Lions 1. Cleveland Brown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Il Mostro Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 You've got to factor in some extra pain for Jets fans having to watch the other local team and co-tennant winning multiple SB's during the drought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JetsFanInDenver Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I would think JETS should be #1. If you leave Cleveland, Buffalo or Detroit you are used to misery! But the JETS live in one of the brightest, best cities on the Planet Earth and have a roommate that keeps winning it all every once in a while! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freemanm Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I don't agree with the Bills. They were in the Superbowl four straight times, and once, way back when, we're the New England Patriots of the AFC East. I would also put the Cleveland Browns up there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JerryK Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I want to see a list of teams sorted by the number of times they've finished 8-8 or 9-7. Just good enough for sh**y drafts, just bad enough to never have a home playoff game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewillie78 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I want to see a list of teams sorted by the number of times they've finished 8-8 or 9-7. Just good enough for sh**y drafts, just bad enough to never have a home playoff game. Those are the types of records that for some odd reason with this franchise equates to JOB SECURITY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faba Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Could be worse we all could be a Chicago Cub fan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kleckineau Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Only #6? Like they say in the music industry, #6 with a bullett. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larz Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 who would leave the jets for the browns ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TuscanyTile2 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Who wrote this, DWC? The Dolphins feel like a marquee franchise? I started watching football around 1979 and the Dolphins definitely felt like a marquee franchise back then. They won in like 1974 and then they seemingly were going to win big again in the 1980's w/ Marino (though, obviously, it didn't happen). At this point, though, the Dolphins aren't much better than the Jets. Jets won in 1969 so they're almost as tortured as we are. But in their defense, they've certainly been a lot better than us since 1974. Right now though, I think both teams are on the way up. We'll see how Tannehill turns out though. As for this list, it's absurd to have Buffalo #1. They had a sustained run of excellence (though no SBs) in the 90's. Have any of the other teams on that list (with the exception of the Eagles) had such a run? Detroit should probably be #1. Possibly Cleveland since they had some gut punch losses plus lost their franchise, who won 2 SBs after moving to Baltimore. Not sure how Arizona isn't higher on the list either. They've been irrelevant for many many years (though they are looking up right now). Also Cincy should definitely be on the list and I think the Jets should be higher as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgb Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 if us youngins didn't have our fathers' secondhand SBIII memories, we'd be higher (as in more tortured) on the list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewillie78 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 if us youngins didn't have our fathers' secondhand SBIII memories, we'd be higher (as in more tortured) on the list. I agree. Without the memory of watching SB III live, I think I would be addicted to much stronger "medication", than just Coors Light. If I hadn't seen it live and been born after it occurred, I'd swear it was just someone playing an evil trick on Jet fans saying that we actually WON A SB. That would be blasphemy, if I hadn't seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pfilippone Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 "The horror of the JETS Quarterbacks". GREAT analysis. YET its still 45 years later and in the most recent past, we have had SANCHEZ and now the lowest rated QB in the league. We haven't learned from 45 years of misery, yet when you suggest that we trade up, and use some picks to get to the top of the draft to get a REAL QB, people react like you want to watch REX play beach volley ball. I don't think anybody disagrees with drafting a franchise QB. It's just never panned out for us except with Namath. We gotta get lucky eventually. I truly hope Idzik, Rex & company do a better job of picking one than Tanny, Rex did in 2009. Otherwise we are looking at more years of suffering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewillie78 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 I don't think anybody disagrees with drafting a franchise QB. It's just never panned out for us except with Namath. We gotta get lucky eventually. I truly hope Idzik, Rex & company do a better job of picking one than Tanny, Rex did in 2009. Otherwise we are looking at more years of suffering. I agree, but you have to keep trying. I think Idzik will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meddle Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Did anyone mention PSLs? No description of Jets fan torture is complete without mentioning PSLs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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