Jetsfan80 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/n-f-l-sentences-brady-to-a-year-with-the-jets N.F.L. Sentences Brady to a Year with the Jets By Andy Borowitz May 6, 2015 FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (The Borowitz Report) – In what football insiders are calling an unexpectedly severe punishment, the National Football League has sentenced the New England Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady to a year with the New York Jets for his role in the so-called Deflategate scandal. The punishment drew howls of protest from Patriots fans and management, with many calling it the harshest in league history, but N.F.L. Commissioner Roger Goodell defended the decision as “a necessary deterrent.” “We need to send the message that this league has zero tolerance for cheating,” Goodell said. “We believe that a year of playing quarterback for the Jets sends that message loud and clear.” Brady was reportedly in a state of shock when he heard the news of his punishment. He later met with reporters in a hastily called press conference during which he frequently seemed on the verge of tears. “I am going to fight this decision with every fibre of my being,” Brady said. “This is America. You can’t force a person to play for the Jets.” At a sports bar in Manhattan, the reaction to the impending arrival of the Jets’ longtime nemesis was muted. One Jets fan observed, “Look, Brady’s a dick, but even he didn’t deserve this.” Get news satire from The Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox. Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report for newyorker.com. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j4jets Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Haha that's funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dcat Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Chuckle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TuscanyTile2 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 My critique: funny headline but the article added nothing beyond the original joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgb Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 LOL nice JF80! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SayNoToDMC Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Excessive, I'm sure the NFLPA will destroy this ruling and get it downgraded to around the Chiefs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 My critique: funny headline but the article added nothing beyond the original joke. Agreed. Wish this was The Onion doing something like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j4jets Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 My critique: funny headline but the article added nothing beyond the original joke. What was it supposed to add? Rex will join him and defend him "Don't screw up my Tom Brady poster"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JetsFanInDenver Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 That is more like a reward. Brady will now be able to attend Yankees games all season and thru the playoffs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewilly12 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 BAN and DUMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetscrazey Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 At least the Onion is funny. This is just a weak attempt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keysersoze Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 This article is stupid. Not only because it's unfunny and original, but because the Jets are only a legit QB away from being serious contenders. Not that they couldn't contend as they are now, but adding a top QB like Brady/Manning/Luck automatically puts the Jets in the SB conversation. So in reality, a move like this wouldn't be so bad for a guy like Brady. If they really wanted to hit home, they should have went with a true dumpster fire like Cleveland or Jacksonville. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spoot-Face Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TuscanyTile2 Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 What was it supposed to add? Rex will join him and defend him "Don't screw up my Tom Brady poster"? It was a 6 paragraph article that covered no new ground. The Onion has funny headlines and the article is also funny. This article had a funny headline and then was painful to read. As for "what was it supposed to add?", how about something funny? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rexorcism Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Made me laugh...good shlt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolot Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Someone should tell the author the circus has left town, Jets aren't a national punchline anymore….so sick of that angle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New York Mick Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Dick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papz187 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 If you can't laugh at yourself once in a while then you're not a person I'd wanna hang around with. Good stuff lol but Tommy can GFHimself Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papz187 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 This article is stupid. Not only because it's unfunny and original, but because the Jets are only a legit QB away from being serious contenders. Not that they couldn't contend as they are now, but adding a top QB like Brady/Manning/Luck automatically puts the Jets in the SB conversation. So in reality, a move like this wouldn't be so bad for a guy like Brady. If they really wanted to hit home, they should have went with a true dumpster fire like Cleveland or Jacksonville. Agreed. They're just taking a shot at us for our poor history....but when you look at the facts we aren't on the level of Cleveland, Jacksonville, Tennessee or Oakland of the past decade plus. That is also the reason we weren't in position for Mariota or Winston like some posters complained about, because we just weren't as bad as those teams last year.....add in our offseason and I'd say we're middle of the pack despite the QB situation, with a good chance at a Wildcard as long as Bowles is the real deal, special teams improves from last season, and we get competent QB play from whoever the starter will be. Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drdetroit Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 About as funny as a Chris Kattan vehicle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drdetroit Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 At least the Onion is funny. This is just a weak attempt. Something tells me Andy Borowitz isn't writing the next comedy hit movie or great American novel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LSJF Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Someone should tell the author the circus has left town, Jets aren't a national punchline anymore….so sick of that angle. This, the circus has moved to Buffalo and New England... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bealeb319 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 That's pretty funny, in all honesty im not sure we would even want Brady seeing as no one knows if he can be a good QB without cheating and all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity28 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Someone should tell the author the circus has left town, Jets aren't a national punchline anymore….so sick of that angle. He knows. He's s writer for the New Yorker, so he also knows how easily trolled Jet fans are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 If you can't laugh at yourself once in a while then you're not a person I'd wanna hang around with. Good stuff lol but Tommy can GFHimself Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk Then why do you hang around here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FidelioJet Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Seriously, you guys are pissed about this? It was funny...Wasn't comedy gold but it made me chuckle. It's not just the Jets history it's also the rivalry between the teams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papz187 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Then why do you hang around here? Lol good point Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T0mShane Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 A little sad that this went two pages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TuscanyTile2 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 That's pretty funny, in all honesty im not sure we would even want Brady seeing as no one knows if he can be a good QB without cheating and all. Agreed. I would much prefer Geno over that scrub Tom Brady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted May 8, 2015 Author Share Posted May 8, 2015 A little sad that this went two pages. I thought for sure I'd get complaints from people awaiting Brady's actual penalty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 A little sad that this went two pages. Thought it might catch Welker? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFJF Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Thought it might catch Welker? Seriously? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bealeb319 Posted May 8, 2015 Share Posted May 8, 2015 Agreed. I would much prefer Geno over that scrub Tom Brady. Maby if we start cheating Geno can win some Superbowls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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