Gangrene Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Illegal contact? Witness: Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was masturbating in his car Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested in East Hanover last November for possession of synthetic marijuana, but police were called to the scene because a woman had seen him allegedly masturbating in his vehicle. (Brad Barr/USA Today) on January 17, 2014 at 9:00 AM, updated January 17, 2014 at 9:10 AM When Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana outside a Target in East Hanover back in November, police were called to the scene because a woman thought she saw him masturbating in his vehicle in the parking lot, according to court documents. The redacted incident report from East Hanover police shows that on Nov. 19 at 5:30 p.m., cops responded to a call from a woman who said she had parked her vehicle in a spot to the right of a black Cadillac Escalade outside the Target along Route 10. A man was sitting inside the Escalade with the window open, said the woman, whose name was redacted in the incident report. That man would later be identified as Winslow, 30, who lives in Madison. From the report:As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account. By the time police arrived, an officer found Winslow allegedly "slouched in his seat and moving around." Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived. When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost. The cop noticed Winslow was wearing "dark colored" sweatpants and wrote that "his genitals were not exposed." But the cop also noticed "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console" and plastic bags marked "Mr. Happy" and empty plastic containers of "Funky Monkey" scattered throughout the vehicle. Winslow allegedly told police he smoked the "Mr. Happy" and "Funky Monkey" at his home to relax because the NFL doesn't drug test for it, and that he buys the stuff on the internet and at gas stations. Police say he consented to a vehicle search, and after a few items were seized into evidence, Winslow was free to go. Lab tests that came back on Dec. 23 revealed that Winslow was in possession of synthetic marijuana. He was formally charged on Dec. 30, and last week he pleaded not guilty before a judge in Superior Court in Morristown. The incident report lists lewdness among the alleged crimes, but Winslow was not charged with anything relating to alleged lewdness. A 10-year NFL veteran, Winslow just finished his first season with the Jets. He is scheduled to be a free agent in 2014. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiFtheOracle Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 WTF??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Il Mostro Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Illegal contact? Witness: Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was masturbating in his car But the cop also noticed "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console" and plastic bags marked "Mr. Happy" and empty plastic containers of "Funky Monkey" scattered throughout the vehicle. Living large in his mobile jerk-off station. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard King Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 oh my God Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard King Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I shop at that Target. I feel dirty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard King Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 People in Madison just don't do this. They just don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faba Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 This is your role model-not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HessStation Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiFtheOracle Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Do Soldiers behave in this fashion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klecko73isGod Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faba Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Funky Monkey should be a name of a dance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard King Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 What a loser. You're supposed to be a pro athlete get some real stuff and some women damn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyCarl40 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Re-sign this beast. Great hands, obviously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard King Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 SMH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeC36 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 People in Madison just don't do this. They just don't. apparently they do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BroadwayJoe12 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Maybe he was going on a date and didn't get to rub one out before he left his apartment, you can't expect the man to walk into a date with a loaded gun. Christ, just stop looking in the dude's tinted windows and let him be about his business. You women always have to peak behind the curtain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I went to Madison High School (where Winslow lives) and my home address was Morristown (where he was charged). Ugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizard King Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Who cracks stick with vaseline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Jets fan Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 See ya, freak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BroadwayJoe12 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Who cracks stick with vaseline Not sure, but I've seen one of my favorite athletes eat it on the internet, so this ain't no thang. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt39 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Anyone seen an aircraft carrier around here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgb Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 i dont understand does this stuff make you crazy or was he crazy to begin with Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nycdan Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 The circus is back for today at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kleckineau Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 He should stick to riding motorcycles. At least he doesnt do videos like the HC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steveg Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 That Target is right next to Costco, where, on more than one occasion, I saw Sione Pouha eating hotdogs. Not that it means anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gangrene Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Winslow needs his own reality show, that is non-stop compelling bat sh*t crazy behavior ... low brow cable right there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SickJetFan Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 At least he wasn't jerking someone else off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Il Mostro Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Funky Monkey should be a name of a dance And he should pull an Ocho Cinco by putting it on the back of his jersey -- wherever he plays next season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Il Mostro Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Who cracks stick with vaseline Wait. Who needs two jars? He gots moves we cannot even dream of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New York Mick Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Dude should move to S Florida he'd fit right in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewillie78 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Looks like REX has his perfect candidate for TEAM CAPTAIN. Now if they sign the other misfits or re-do their contracts, his captains list for this year should look like this: 1. Kellin Winslow (smokes cheap weed and beats himself in public) 2. Antonio Cromartie (15 kids and counting) 3. Santonio Holmes (quits on his team like a smoker on Chantix) 4. Mark Sanchez (wears ghey headbands, and has his tattoo on his coach) Wow, I think they'd be better off mentoring guys from Attica, than Metlife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
77DRAFT Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Really sad situation, the guy had some talent but just can't stay clean, no one will take a chance on him, too risky, at least now he can go back to weed, because he won't be back in the NFL, He should try Canada, or maybe just retire to Jamaca. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klecko73isGod Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 The funniest part of this story is that neither "Mr. Happy" nor "Funky Monkey" are euphemisms Winslow uses for his junk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JetsFanInDenver Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Illegal use of hands. P.S: Maybe the women was offended when he did not invite her in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T0mShane Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Let he who has not jerked off in his car cast the first stone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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